Sunday, June 15, 2008
Exhaustion
I feel like the worst mommy in the world tonight after a very long weekend. I'm not, I know, but I feel like it. See I work full time, take care of my son full time and have little to no "me" time. I have no family locally that I can trust to take over when I need a break and my husband has to work many weekends when I would be able to take some time to myself. So this weekend I was burnt out. I have been sick since Thursday and not feeling 100%. My son has been a little under the weather as well which makes him act out. I am literally physically and mentally exhausted. It was hard to pretend that I wanted to be "Mommy" this weekend. It was hard to play the sweet innocent games that my son likes to play. It was hard to motivate myself to do anything. So I feel guilty. I am not a bad mother - I know I'm not. I give my son 110% all of the time, even when I have to fake it. Why do I feel so guilty when I have to fake it like I did this weekend? Really I don't know that anyone has an answer, or that I am even looking for one, I just needed to vent. Now I am going to go to sleep and hope that this week things are better and I get a little break one day.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Father and Son
One of the perks of Daddy's job is being able to go to Disney World for free. This past weekend we decided to go to Epcot for a little while because the parks are slow this time of year. They will pick up soon for Spring Break. Ben loves going to the park but he has absolutely no interest in the Disney Characters. He is terrified of them. Every single time we go the park Ben tries on all of the hats! I always get a great picture of Daddy and Ben wearing a silly hat. The two of them are so darn cute together it makes my heart smile.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Parents?
http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/local/crime/orl-bk-carwash030608,0,6468636.story
I read this story tonight online and it breaks my heart. The police in Orlando are looking for two women that took a little girl, who looks about 3 or 4 to me, into a self serve car wash. One woman pulled her out of the car while the other woman got the pressure washer. The woman with the pressure washer sprayed the girl all over with it at a close range, while the girl tried to run away. She grabbed her arm and held her to spray her some more while scolding her at the same time. How much you wanna bet that the poor little girl had an accident in her pants and this was their stupid way of trying to stop that. I'm sorry but I would love to do the same thing to them and see how they like it. Seriously, do these kind of parents (and I use that term loosely in this case) think their children like having accidents? Do they think that they have an accident just to "show" their parents? My heart breaks for my little boy when he has an accident because he always feels bad about it. Sometimes he even cries because he is so upset about it. It's called potty "training" for a reason you idiots! UGH! I apologize but this story just makes me want to cry for that poor little girl. How I would love to make her feel safe again as all children should feel with their parents. Shame on you two ladies! Children are such precious creatures and what you did to her just makes my blood boil. You don't deserve that gift!
Update March 12, 2008:
The woman in this story came forward. She stated that she used the hose to calm her daughter because she was throwing a tantrum. She said she had used a water bottle in the past to do the same thing. She is going to appear on Good Morning America this morning I believe. She is a young mother who is currently 5 months pregnant with another child. I am not going to sit in judgement of her actions. I don't agree with them at all and in my mind it is abusive. However, if nothing else I hope she gets some parenting classes and can learn from this experience. Having a 2 (almost 3) year old I understand the trying times of tantrums but never in my wildest dreams would I ever think of spraying my son with a pressure washer to calm him down. I've lived thru 45 minute tantrums with patience, quiet words, and a step outside of the situation so we could both gather our thoughts. I hope this mother gets some help because with another baby on the way her days are going to get more stressful and pressure washers are not the answer!
I read this story tonight online and it breaks my heart. The police in Orlando are looking for two women that took a little girl, who looks about 3 or 4 to me, into a self serve car wash. One woman pulled her out of the car while the other woman got the pressure washer. The woman with the pressure washer sprayed the girl all over with it at a close range, while the girl tried to run away. She grabbed her arm and held her to spray her some more while scolding her at the same time. How much you wanna bet that the poor little girl had an accident in her pants and this was their stupid way of trying to stop that. I'm sorry but I would love to do the same thing to them and see how they like it. Seriously, do these kind of parents (and I use that term loosely in this case) think their children like having accidents? Do they think that they have an accident just to "show" their parents? My heart breaks for my little boy when he has an accident because he always feels bad about it. Sometimes he even cries because he is so upset about it. It's called potty "training" for a reason you idiots! UGH! I apologize but this story just makes me want to cry for that poor little girl. How I would love to make her feel safe again as all children should feel with their parents. Shame on you two ladies! Children are such precious creatures and what you did to her just makes my blood boil. You don't deserve that gift!
Update March 12, 2008:
The woman in this story came forward. She stated that she used the hose to calm her daughter because she was throwing a tantrum. She said she had used a water bottle in the past to do the same thing. She is going to appear on Good Morning America this morning I believe. She is a young mother who is currently 5 months pregnant with another child. I am not going to sit in judgement of her actions. I don't agree with them at all and in my mind it is abusive. However, if nothing else I hope she gets some parenting classes and can learn from this experience. Having a 2 (almost 3) year old I understand the trying times of tantrums but never in my wildest dreams would I ever think of spraying my son with a pressure washer to calm him down. I've lived thru 45 minute tantrums with patience, quiet words, and a step outside of the situation so we could both gather our thoughts. I hope this mother gets some help because with another baby on the way her days are going to get more stressful and pressure washers are not the answer!
Friday, February 22, 2008
Another Story in the News
I was reading the news earlier today and the name Benjamin (my son's name) caught my eye. I was absolutely sickened by what I read. Tracy Hermann and James Sargent left their 5 month old son, Benjamin, for 8 days strapped in his car seat in their home, with no care the entire time. His parents, and I use the term loosely, took care of themselves, played video games, came and went from their home, but did nothing for this child. The mothers (again term used loosely) last contact with him "was the night before police were notified. Then, she allegedly told police she "looked at the baby in the crib and presumed he was sleeping so she said she stuck a bottle between the baby and the side of the car seat so that when he woke up, he could grab it and feed himself," Lyons said in open court."
Link to the article is here: http://www.pjstar.com/stories/022108/TRI_BFRH57AL.064.php)
WTH? Really, I don't even have the words to describe how this makes me feel. That poor little boy suffered needlessly at the hands of these monsters and he didn't deserve any of it. My only comfort at this moment is that thankfully now he is an angel and in the hands of someone who loves him. I hope his "parents" rot in hell for the rest of their lives. They deserve no less.
Link to the article is here: http://www.pjstar.com/stories/022108/TRI_BFRH57AL.064.php)
WTH? Really, I don't even have the words to describe how this makes me feel. That poor little boy suffered needlessly at the hands of these monsters and he didn't deserve any of it. My only comfort at this moment is that thankfully now he is an angel and in the hands of someone who loves him. I hope his "parents" rot in hell for the rest of their lives. They deserve no less.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Sleep
When I had my son (almost 3 years ago now) I had no idea that the most stressful thing for me would be sleep. Not missing it on my part because honestly these days I get 8 hours a night fairly consistently. Even when he was a newborn my husband and I had the perfect setup because my husband can survive on less sleep whereas I need more. He would stay up until about 4 in the morning with Ben and I would sleep from 8 pm until then. Then I would get up and my husband would sleep until about 10 am. It worked out perfectly for us and neither of us felt sleep deprived. I was also a stay at home mom during that time so that helped me out as well. When I went back to work a year after he was born (what a great year that was - I loved it!) he was already pretty established in his bedtime sleep routine and sleeping thru the night. We had a few odd nights here and there when he was sick or scared as he got older but for the most part he slept well.
So where is the stress of it all you may ask? Well first it started when at night time he would not fall asleep if we left the room. He would scream bloody murder and while I wasn't against crying it out to a point he was too hysterical for me to be okay with that. So I made the decision to stay with him at night until he fell asleep. If you read my previous entries in my blog I tried other things along the way, nightlights, leaving the door open etc., but really at the end of the day he just wanted his mommy. I don't see anything wrong with that so I made the choice to stay with him, usually about 20 minutes, until he falls asleep. When he moved into his big boy bed I didn't even hesitate laying in bed with him until he falls asleep. He sleeps thru the night just fine and rarely wakes up and if he does he manages to get himself back to sleep. He goes to bed the same time every night and we have no problems.
Again, where is the problem? Well even though he does all that at night it is still 8:30 before he goes to sleep, sometimes 8:45. May not seem too late and he gets the required number of hours of sleep, but honestly I am done by that point. After working all day, taking care of him all night, and then putting him to bed, by the time he falls asleep I am a ball of mush. Any plans to accomplish anything are out the window because generally I can't even put a sentence together. I am physically and mentally exhausted at that point. Not to mention as I just mentioned I require sleep, 8 hours usually, to be productive the next day. So generally I am in bed by 9:30, 10:00 at the latest. Which leaves me about an hour to unwind and accomplish anything.
Then to top it all off my son has decided he no longer needs naps. Not true mind you, he does still need them, but he will fight me tooth and nail on them. I used to fight him back and everyday dreaded the moment of naptime because I knew it would be a battle and somedays I would end up in tears. So I resorted to the whole driving in the car trick because most days that is the only way he will fall asleep and I didn't have the energy to fight him anymore. It works but then generally I end up having to go somewhere and just sit in the car with him while he sleeps. Not that much fun for me.
So the most stressful part for me has been that I can never turn off until my baby is asleep. I will not allow myself to let go and relax until I know he is safe and sound in sleepy town. At the point I will allow my sub conscious to take over but at least then I feel I can relax and stop being Mommy for just a little while. I think most parents reading this know exactly what I am talking about. I struggle to find a balance for myself and the lack of downtime during the day, and the need to spend the extra time to put him to bed takes away even more time. It has been the most stress for me so far as a mother. I try to remind myself though that these times won't last forever so I should appreciate and hold onto each moment possible before he starts kicking me out of his room to be left alone!
So where is the stress of it all you may ask? Well first it started when at night time he would not fall asleep if we left the room. He would scream bloody murder and while I wasn't against crying it out to a point he was too hysterical for me to be okay with that. So I made the decision to stay with him at night until he fell asleep. If you read my previous entries in my blog I tried other things along the way, nightlights, leaving the door open etc., but really at the end of the day he just wanted his mommy. I don't see anything wrong with that so I made the choice to stay with him, usually about 20 minutes, until he falls asleep. When he moved into his big boy bed I didn't even hesitate laying in bed with him until he falls asleep. He sleeps thru the night just fine and rarely wakes up and if he does he manages to get himself back to sleep. He goes to bed the same time every night and we have no problems.
Again, where is the problem? Well even though he does all that at night it is still 8:30 before he goes to sleep, sometimes 8:45. May not seem too late and he gets the required number of hours of sleep, but honestly I am done by that point. After working all day, taking care of him all night, and then putting him to bed, by the time he falls asleep I am a ball of mush. Any plans to accomplish anything are out the window because generally I can't even put a sentence together. I am physically and mentally exhausted at that point. Not to mention as I just mentioned I require sleep, 8 hours usually, to be productive the next day. So generally I am in bed by 9:30, 10:00 at the latest. Which leaves me about an hour to unwind and accomplish anything.
Then to top it all off my son has decided he no longer needs naps. Not true mind you, he does still need them, but he will fight me tooth and nail on them. I used to fight him back and everyday dreaded the moment of naptime because I knew it would be a battle and somedays I would end up in tears. So I resorted to the whole driving in the car trick because most days that is the only way he will fall asleep and I didn't have the energy to fight him anymore. It works but then generally I end up having to go somewhere and just sit in the car with him while he sleeps. Not that much fun for me.
So the most stressful part for me has been that I can never turn off until my baby is asleep. I will not allow myself to let go and relax until I know he is safe and sound in sleepy town. At the point I will allow my sub conscious to take over but at least then I feel I can relax and stop being Mommy for just a little while. I think most parents reading this know exactly what I am talking about. I struggle to find a balance for myself and the lack of downtime during the day, and the need to spend the extra time to put him to bed takes away even more time. It has been the most stress for me so far as a mother. I try to remind myself though that these times won't last forever so I should appreciate and hold onto each moment possible before he starts kicking me out of his room to be left alone!
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