Sleep

When I had my son (almost 3 years ago now) I had no idea that the most stressful thing for me would be sleep. Not missing it on my part because honestly these days I get 8 hours a night fairly consistently. Even when he was a newborn my husband and I had the perfect setup because my husband can survive on less sleep whereas I need more. He would stay up until about 4 in the morning with Ben and I would sleep from 8 pm until then. Then I would get up and my husband would sleep until about 10 am. It worked out perfectly for us and neither of us felt sleep deprived. I was also a stay at home mom during that time so that helped me out as well. When I went back to work a year after he was born (what a great year that was - I loved it!) he was already pretty established in his bedtime sleep routine and sleeping thru the night. We had a few odd nights here and there when he was sick or scared as he got older but for the most part he slept well.

So where is the stress of it all you may ask? Well first it started when at night time he would not fall asleep if we left the room. He would scream bloody murder and while I wasn't against crying it out to a point he was too hysterical for me to be okay with that. So I made the decision to stay with him at night until he fell asleep. If you read my previous entries in my blog I tried other things along the way, nightlights, leaving the door open etc., but really at the end of the day he just wanted his mommy. I don't see anything wrong with that so I made the choice to stay with him, usually about 20 minutes, until he falls asleep. When he moved into his big boy bed I didn't even hesitate laying in bed with him until he falls asleep. He sleeps thru the night just fine and rarely wakes up and if he does he manages to get himself back to sleep. He goes to bed the same time every night and we have no problems.

Again, where is the problem? Well even though he does all that at night it is still 8:30 before he goes to sleep, sometimes 8:45. May not seem too late and he gets the required number of hours of sleep, but honestly I am done by that point. After working all day, taking care of him all night, and then putting him to bed, by the time he falls asleep I am a ball of mush. Any plans to accomplish anything are out the window because generally I can't even put a sentence together. I am physically and mentally exhausted at that point. Not to mention as I just mentioned I require sleep, 8 hours usually, to be productive the next day. So generally I am in bed by 9:30, 10:00 at the latest. Which leaves me about an hour to unwind and accomplish anything.

Then to top it all off my son has decided he no longer needs naps. Not true mind you, he does still need them, but he will fight me tooth and nail on them. I used to fight him back and everyday dreaded the moment of naptime because I knew it would be a battle and somedays I would end up in tears. So I resorted to the whole driving in the car trick because most days that is the only way he will fall asleep and I didn't have the energy to fight him anymore. It works but then generally I end up having to go somewhere and just sit in the car with him while he sleeps. Not that much fun for me.

So the most stressful part for me has been that I can never turn off until my baby is asleep. I will not allow myself to let go and relax until I know he is safe and sound in sleepy town. At the point I will allow my sub conscious to take over but at least then I feel I can relax and stop being Mommy for just a little while. I think most parents reading this know exactly what I am talking about. I struggle to find a balance for myself and the lack of downtime during the day, and the need to spend the extra time to put him to bed takes away even more time. It has been the most stress for me so far as a mother. I try to remind myself though that these times won't last forever so I should appreciate and hold onto each moment possible before he starts kicking me out of his room to be left alone!